If only you knew

I sit here on the couch, candles burning on the mantelpiece. Your bright little eyes staring at the flickering flames trying to figure out what this magical lights are. You stop and catch me staring at you, and your perfect tiny face lights up with a gummy smile that starts in your eyes and moves to your perfect little mouth.

If only you knew how much I love you, how much it warms my heart to see you smile, and breaks it at the same time because I know you will never be this small and innocent and perfect ever again. If only you knew that you’ve filled a hole in my heart I didn’t know existed, completed a life I thought already perfect. If only you knew that every time I look at you something tugs deep inside, something that makes me want to hold you forever and ever and never let go.

If only you knew how desperately hard I’m trying to memorize every minuscule detail of the perfection that is you, trying to burn them into my brain so that I never forget the curl of every finger as they tangle into my hair.

This moment seems perfect, thunder rumbling in the distance, rain falling on the grass outside and mist rolling in. You, tucked up on my lap, a yawn – so grown up but still so sweet – takes over your little being. It’s time to put you to bed, but if only you knew I never want this moment to end.

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