I’ve been toying with the idea of documenting my pregnancy for quite some time now (about 28 weeks to be exact) and only now that the end of this “magical time” is *sort of* in sight have I plucked up the courage to start scribbling.
Since I was a little girl, all I can remember wanting to be was a Mommy. With the exception of the one day when I apparently called my Grandpa to come and fetch me because “I hated my brother” (he cried non-stop, he quite literally had to be drugged before my parents killed him or each other), I loved helping out with my little brother and sister when they were babies. Fast forward a few years to high-school and career discussions where I can clearly remember the entire class, and the teacher laughing at me when I said that I wanted to be a stay at home Mom and raise a few kiddies.
I grew up, found an amazing man, married him, found a house, got a dog…we even had a white picket fence. And then. Then a stern looking doctor with cold hands told me that I might not have children. I didn’t want to believe her, so I went in search of a kinder looking doctor, with warmer hands who took me through a barrage of tests and very gently told me that there may be problems in that department, but that I was young and otherwise healthy so should “try and see what happens”.
And so to my complete surprise and utter disbelief, a very short while later, I sat in the smallest room in our house very early one December morning, with the cat scratching at the door staring at a little plastic device with the word “pregnant” flashing on the screen.
There should have been fireworks and celebrations and marching bands and parades, this moment was the realisation of a lifelong dream, a moment that based on medical opinion might not have ever happened – but much to my own amusement and shock and horror, all I could think was…..yikes!
I am acutely aware that I am one of the lucky ones. I’ve was spared years of negative tests, of thousands spent on fertility treatments, of hundreds of hours trawling the web for any remedy or scientific breakthrough that might help, so please please don’t think I’m just a spoiled brat. I think in that moment, the reality of bringing a child into the world really hit home….hard.
By the time I was in the shops later that day trawling the baby aisles for a cute little onesie to help break the news to the little peanut’s daddy, “yikes” had definitely turned to “yay!!!”, and by the time that I told him later that afternoon – all the emotions came out in buckets of tears, definitely very very happy ones!